With me being in DC over the weekend i wasnt able to post on saturday the one year death anniversary of my friend Xavier Johnson who past away on May 19 2006. But i wanted to take the opportunity now to remeber his legacy and remeber him for who he was. Its been a year later and my heart has not quite healed due to the death of my friend Zay who passed away last year. He was a great man, a great friend, a poet, writer. I miss you so much and i hate you are not here. I hate not talking to you on the phone or the daily emails we shared with one another. Xavier you will always be in my heart and i wanted to take the opportunity to let the world know how much you were missed and loved by all that you came in contact with and you will never be forgotten. Damn damn Damn why did you leave so soon, you had a full life ahead of you. I dont know why GOD let you go and out of my life, i cant question it and i cant beat myself on the what ifs and the should haves all i can do is cherish the memories which are fresh in my mind. I Love you Xavier Johnson. Below is one of his last poems. May you RIP 2/8/74-5/19/06
Perception (my point of you...)
You ask so very little
Without saying a single word
Consumed by thoughts and actions
Often of which, I am necessarily of no concern
I am drowning in this sea of loneliness
Created by me, hmm maybe?
Or is it a vivid projection?
Of perceptions, the signals I receive from you
These feelings barrel me down like a freight train
No time for love
No time for play
Ships that continuously pass in the night
And never come ashore
Here my perceptions tell me there must be more
Something isn’t right
So ill at ease, I can’t sleep through the night
Caught in a web woven of insecurities
That don’t completely stem from me
I weep for you-
Torn with grief of just what I should do
Am I limited by my imagination?
Is there some great machination at work here?
Bound by some sense of intuitiveness
Blazing my gut, until it stings the eyes
But I don’t have or can’t get the answers I desire, why?
Stuck upon a torrid past from which I may have forgiven,
Though I may never forget
Still you say it’s all a matter of perception, I need not fret
You know like I know
Feel almost as I feel
To wake from a dream so surreal
Where do we go from here?
Because you ask of me so much
Yet still say so little
I yield unto you, acquiesce to you
Yearn to kiss you, feel like I’m an integral part of you
To hold and be held as if by chance you would reveal
The love for me which you choose to conceal
Loneliness is not a perception
More like an infection, of the mind and body
That slowly floods into the spirit
When something is obviously missing
However, somehow, you will find a way
In order to belay this epitaph and tell me once again…
It’s all a matter of my perception.
Copyright © Xavier Johnson 2006
(Inspired by J. Washington)
In Memoriam: A year later: Xavier Johnson